I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
