I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nutella sex= disaster
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
