I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
