1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
