I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
