When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
