chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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