I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize