its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
