Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
