the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love you. Go after that dick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
