Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
