Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
4 words: hood of his car
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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