Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think my moral compass just broke
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
