how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just pee around me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
