I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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