as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
