Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
