Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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