It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
