You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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