dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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