oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
