his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
