I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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