Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
