just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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