Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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