giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she pinky promised me she was 18
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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