I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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