I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
