i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im part way to drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
