Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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