a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
