He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
