I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize