Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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