Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You pole danced in your parka.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
