one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
