dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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