i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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