I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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