I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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