The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
