Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I bet he comes in French.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
