Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
