Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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