id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
