break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize