I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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