she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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