I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish you could order shots online.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
