Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
