he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
