your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
