he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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