Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
