dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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