rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
