Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize