Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
