i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
