At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize