Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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