dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The Olympian is in my bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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