Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
