mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
