how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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