I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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