yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
