I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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