i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
