If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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