I didn't shave. On purpose
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
