We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize