She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
