my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
