dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
