that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize