My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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