he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
