I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
