wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize