meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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