how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I faked an abortion last night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
