He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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