the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
