he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
