I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
