There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
