We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
