Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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