doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
